i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
