just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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