Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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