Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
