Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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