I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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