Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
