I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I supernannyed him into submission
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
