Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
being pregnant is like rehab
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.