i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor