Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
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can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?