Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.

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  (323): At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands. http://tfl.nu/8842
  Replies (13) Good night (1609) Bad night (538)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

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  (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" http://tfl.nu/d8s5
  Replies (100) Good night (7621) Bad night (60991)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.

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  (908): the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime. http://tfl.nu/3xvq
  Replies (22) Good night (2787) Bad night (820)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.

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  (727): He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass. http://tfl.nu/11ss
  Replies (8) Good night (1053) Bad night (4620)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...

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  (650): Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day... http://tfl.nu/p3lj
  Replies (51) Good night (6642) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid

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  (708): She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid http://tfl.nu/fpm2
  Replies (26) Good night (8473) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.

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  (864): We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian. http://tfl.nu/x5ta
  Replies (18) Good night (7212) Bad night (2252)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.

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  (954): I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother. http://tfl.nu/rbuh
  Replies (9) Good night (2716) Bad night (1578)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.

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  (501): He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship. http://tfl.nu/bk2a
  Replies (3) Good night (984) Bad night (2292)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.

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  (718): you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke. http://tfl.nu/vku6
  Replies (13) Good night (2994) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (450): View more from Quebec

  I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement

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  (450): I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement http://tfl.nu/63m9
  Replies (1) Good night (767) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.

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  (516): On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER. http://tfl.nu/qydu
  Replies (2) Good night (763) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR

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  (781): THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR http://tfl.nu/6l4g
  Replies (7) Good night (1823) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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  (330): easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL http://tfl.nu/8uqk
  Replies (4) Good night (845) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?

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  (801): WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office? http://tfl.nu/kj4z
  Replies (5) Good night (512) Bad night (804)

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