Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  eww mummy girl is here...

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.

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  (708): eww mummy girl is here... (931): what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals. http://tfl.nu/7ng0
  Replies (4) Good night (1157) Bad night (4084)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

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  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (12865) Bad night (1852)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  So you had sex with my brother?

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.

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  (520): So you had sex with my brother? (1-520): It sounds like you dont need me to answer that. http://tfl.nu/xsv7
  Replies (8) Good night (5793) Bad night (1395)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?

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  (330): Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her? http://tfl.nu/1j07
  Replies (12) Good night (4420) Bad night (1380)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team

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  (775): I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team http://tfl.nu/crbx
  Replies (3) Good night (1492) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs

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  (403): Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs http://tfl.nu/f0zi
  Replies (3) Good night (2532) Bad night (984)
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  (631): View more from New York

  speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"

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  (631): speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist" http://tfl.nu/hn7i
  Replies (4) Good night (1363) Bad night (586)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.

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  (309): note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never. http://tfl.nu/8ha6
  Replies (7) Good night (433) Bad night (1238)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities

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  (618): You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities http://tfl.nu/jkst
  Replies (4) Good night (1123) Bad night (362)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation

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  (+27): Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation http://tfl.nu/ycpp
  Replies (9) Good night (786) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "

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  (317): I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time " http://tfl.nu/0ln5
  Replies (4) Good night (1020) Bad night (487)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.

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  (612): I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him. http://tfl.nu/ceng
  Replies (1) Good night (264) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed

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  (310): But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed http://tfl.nu/xqug
  Replies (0) Good night (243) Bad night (374)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here

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  (308): No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here http://tfl.nu/jrmv
  Replies (1) Good night (305) Bad night (146)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?

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  (530): I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding? http://tfl.nu/e1mv
  Replies (0) Good night (273) Bad night (155)

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