making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it was like eating out sand paper
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too