Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep

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  (212): K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep http://tfl.nu/ltsv
  Replies (6) Good night (946) Bad night (1497)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.

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  (203): hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother. http://tfl.nu/cqrd
  Replies (4) Good night (809) Bad night (3674)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview

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  (703): Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview http://tfl.nu/b2rk
  Replies (56) Good night (3023) Bad night (1231)
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  (909): View more from California

  so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes

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  (909): so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/5z0g
  Replies (15) Good night (727) Bad night (5257)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.

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  (765): my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes. http://tfl.nu/hrf7
  Replies (8) Good night (4305) Bad night (561)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

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  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (16513) Bad night (2086)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms

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  (804): you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms http://tfl.nu/vyht
  Replies (4) Good night (3852) Bad night (852)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?

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  (214): Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up? http://tfl.nu/f130
  Replies (9) Good night (3668) Bad night (720)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.

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  (206): Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower. http://tfl.nu/5wes
  Replies (6) Good night (1685) Bad night (879)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.

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  (501): I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II. http://tfl.nu/1v38
  Replies (4) Good night (1013) Bad night (534)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night

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  (443): I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night http://tfl.nu/0wm9
  Replies (3) Good night (1422) Bad night (433)
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  (707): View more from California

  I wish your snatch was here

  (443): View more from Maryland

  If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you

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  (707): I wish your snatch was here (443): If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you http://tfl.nu/x7y8
  Replies (12) Good night (1657) Bad night (611)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.

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  (520): Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday. http://tfl.nu/j22e
  Replies (7) Good night (937) Bad night (589)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo

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  (540): I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo http://tfl.nu/4u98
  Replies (2) Good night (1355) Bad night (340)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny

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  (919): You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny http://tfl.nu/d0i4
  Replies (4) Good night (776) Bad night (273)

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