You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i came on her dog
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?