I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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