I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
