just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
