i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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