I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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