My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
