Don't you send me to vm
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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