all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
