if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
