I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
