we have pet lesbian snakes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
