as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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