I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
