Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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