I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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