we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
