So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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