So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
