dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
