i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Damn victory sex feels great
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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