hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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