My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
