I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish i was in the wii world.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
