Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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