so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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