Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You don't make any sense
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