I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
