I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
