Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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