I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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