The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
