whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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