Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
