she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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