I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
