Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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