i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
