there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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