I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
