We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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