ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
