im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
