dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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