I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
wow bdsm is so cute
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
