Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
