She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
