so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
