Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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