i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
