I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize