Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
