I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Semen is not good for contacts.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well I just put wine in my tea
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
